But what about the conjunctions?

I enjoy a nice complex sentence. It makes your text flow just a little bit more smoothly, and it keeps your thoughts from sounding choppy. And nothing aids in the formation of complex sentences like a cute little conjunction.

You might notice that I often start sentences with conjunctions (but, so, and, etc.), and if you paid attention in English class, you’ll know that the rule says that one should never start a sentence with a conjunction. While this is true in a formal setting, such as within an academic paper, the rule has generally shifted into a more relaxed school of thought.

Stylistically, certainly, one is allowed to start a sentence with any word one pleases; fragment thoughts and made up words are even permitted, because in a creative writing format, what the author says is law. But this should be avoided when it comes down to that term paper for your stodgy old college professor. Although, if you think you can get away with it, by all means, go for it: it can really drive home whatever point you’re trying to make when you utilize the beginning conjunction in a rhetorical question.

I like to think conjunctions add a little flavor to your paragraph. They’re like the parsley flakes of the grammar world.

Some letters are like ninjas and spies.

We all know that the English language is chock full of silent letters. They just appear to be hanging out in a word, with no real purpose, kind of like that one friend you all had in high school that just stuck around uninvited. You don’t remember having a friend like that? Odds are it’s because you were that person.

But I digress. My point is these little hangers-on were once vital and useful. Take the word “knight” for example. The K, G, and H are all essentially useless, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t serve a purpose once upon a time. Long ago, every letter in just about every word in English was pronounced. It would have made life much easier for those small children who were learning to read at the time. However, things change, and language evolves. As humans, we tend to rush things, always wanting to get to the end faster and faster. Eventually, words like knight dropped the pronunciation of some of their sounds, but retained the spellings.

Another sneaky little word with a stealthy silent letter is “often”. You might be wondering which letter’s silent, yes? If you are, then you’re probably one of those people who pronounce the T. Don’t worry, a lot of people do it, especially if they’re reading aloud. But that doesn’t make it right. The reasoning behind pronouncing the T is that it makes it sound more proper or formal. However, just as it’s no longer proper to pronounce all those silent letters in “knight,” it’s also not recommended that you pronounce the T in “often.” It’s just there for moral support.

There’s no A in infinity.

There are a lot of words that people, especially today’s facebook crowd, use in an increasingly frequent manner. One such word is definitely. It’s a lovely word, full of certainty, as if the lines of the universe have been drawn around whatever situation it’s being utilized to describe.

While I’ve not had occasion to despise the word itself, I definitely can’t stand it when someone can’t spell it. Take note.

There’s no A in “definitely”. It is not spelled “definately,” or in any other combination of letters other than that one combination that was intended for it. This is not one of those optional spelling words like grey and gray. It is definite.

Let’s have a definition. From www.dictionary.com:

def·i·nite·ly

1.	in a definite manner; unambiguously.

2.	unequivocally; positively.

def·i·nite

Having distinct limits

Notice the “having distinct limits” part of the definition of the root word definite. Take a look see at definite’s root word. Finite. Limited. There’s no A in finite. There’s no A in infinity. And there’s definitely no A in definite. Remember that.

Buy them, live them, love them.

I own several books that deal with the English language. Ok, when I say several, I mean I have an entire shelf (or two) devoted to them. That being said, I have two absolute favorites.

The first is Lynne Truss’s Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. This is by far the most humorous guide book to the English Language that I’ve ever encountered. Ms. Truss is not only witty and helpful, but she’s also the inspiration for this blog. I’m certainly not the first person to endeavor to inform the masses about our beautiful language, and neither is Truss, but she’s one of the best at it.

The second is The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White. This is a book that should be owned and loved by anyone who ever took an English class. It’s incredibly useful, and while one may not agree with absolutely every entry (the rules in English are often open to interpretation), it’s still one of the best tools an English speaker could have at his disposal.

Go out and buy them. Read them on the beach. You’ll thank me later.

Just because they sound the same doesn’t mean they are.

Homonyms. They’re rather tricky, and it drives me to insanity when they trick people. Let’s sort them out, for all our sakes.

Their parking there cars over they’re. What’s wrong with this sentence? Only everything! Sadly, a situation such as this is a common occurrence. Let’s try again.

They’re parking their cars over there. There, that’s much better. I’ll give you the rundown.

They’re: a contraction, meaning “they are”. This is the most neglected of the homonyms, often being replaced by “there,” which is oh so very painfully wrong.

Their: a plural possessive. “Their cars” translates to “the cars that belong to them.”

There: the opposite of here.

Some other maligned homonyms are your and you’re.

Your: like their, is a possessive. Your purple giraffe, however imaginary, belongs to you.

You’re: like they’re, it’s a contraction, meaning “you are.” If you ever want to let someone know that he or she is anything, you should use “you’re” and never ever “your,” because that would be wrong. And if you wanted to insult someone, you’d have to know the difference, because if you say “Your a doodoo head,” The insultee would simply laugh in your face and say, “You’re an idiot.”

And the third set of most often abused homonyms are it’s and its.

It’s and its are tricky, because the possessive is wily. Remember what I said about the apostrophe turning things into a possessive? Forget that rule when it comes to it’s and its. “It’s” is the contraction, translating to “it is” while “its” is the possessive.

Your purple giraffe’s fur belongs to it. Hence, its purple fur.

Your giraffe’s fur is an odd color. It’s purple.

Just remember that the apostrophe, in its many functions, serves as a place holder for letters that get left out when we squish words together. In this case, it’s taking the place of the “i” in “it is.” And it must do this, even above being used to make a possessive.

God save the apostrophe.

First up: the oft abused apostrophe.

The apostrophe is overworked. He has enough to do without performing additional duties, thank you very much, so why don’t we use him and let’s not abuse him, yes? Here’s how.

I’m not the first person to say this, but it’s good advice, so I’ll reiterate: an apostrophe does not mean, “Look out, here comes an S.” It just doesn’t. End of story. This means when you’re looking to make a plural, it’s probably not a good idea to just stick an apostrophe S (’s) on the end of your word and hope it all works out for the best. What you’ve done there is make a possessive.

So if you see a sign that says “Carrot’s for sale,” the obvious question is, “Carrot’s what?” because what can a carrot possibly own? It should simply say, “Carrots for sale,” and all this confusion could be avoided and we’d go about our merry carrot buying ways. Think of the plural word as a group of letters that long to join together to make a whole. If you separate part of a word from itself with an apostrophe, you’re not only overworking the poor punctuation mark, but you’re also refusing the plural word the pleasure of being whole. Do them all a kindness.

Similarly, nay, in exactly the same manner, the plural of CD is not CD’s, but rather CDs. The same goes for DVDs. It might look weird at first, but you’ll soon grow accustomed to doing it the right way. Learn it, love it, feel empowered by your correct apostrophe usage. He’ll thank you later.

Hello world!

Welcome to my first post at Matilda’s English. Here you’ll find helpful hints when it comes to the intricacies of punctuation, spelling, writing, and grammar in this mysterious, fascinating, and ever-changing being we call the English Language. It’s a beautiful thing.